Setting Limits on Television
by Deborah Critzer - www.positiveparenting.com/
The average teenager watches
7 hours of television a day. This is a
horrifying number, in my opinion. While TV can be
educational, most of what the children watch when left
to their judgment is certainly not educational.
Most of you that have taken my
class know that I haven't had television for over 9
years. That is, I have no cable with stations and such.
I do have a TV with a VCR and we have a library of
videos and rent movies all the time. We also play many
board games. Three years ago, we bought a PlayStation.
In addition, we have a wide variety of games that play
on the computer, some educational, some not. I have many
of the same fights over these forms of media that
families with cable have over programs that the kids are
watching. Over the years I have come up with some
strategies for handling the fighting and excessive use
of these toys.
One of the problems is that
kids ignore parents when they are watching TV. They
forget to eat, clean up after themselves, do their
chores and play. Parents nag, kids ignore, the battle
rages everyday in this manner.
The key to taking back control
of the media in your home is to make agreements ahead of
time - before the TV/computer ever goes on. There should
be a clear agreement that spells out the limits and
rules about the use of the game. When a new
"Spiro" game comes out on PlayStation, my kids
will fight for days (if no agreements are made) over who
gets to play. The rule we have is that they must
make a schedule before they turn it on. They have to
agree who plays, for how long and even write down
exactly what time each will play. They all have
to sign it, as if it's a contract. Here's what it might
look like:
Who gets to be on Play Station:
Michelle 3:30-4:00
Briana 4:00-4:30
Michael 4:30-5:00
X_______________X______________X_______________
The first agreement is that they must do this before
they turn on the game. The second agreement is that they
make a detailed schedule of who plays and when. It must
be hung up on the refrigerator. That way, if I think one
kid is over the limit, or if there is a fight over whose
turn it is, I can simply refer to the schedule. If they
do not adhere to their agreement, than the game is off
for the day. I have found this routine to be a great way
to keep myself out of the battles and for the kids to
work out their issues with each other.
With television, you can set
limits in a similar manner. Sit down with the family on
Sunday when the TV Guide arrives. Make a chart with the
programs that each will watch, make sure to have the TV
off at all other times. One mom I know also includes a
"NO TV" night every week.
It is also helpful to make an
agreement about what needs to happen before turning on
the TV or video game. For example, my son likes to get
up early and play. The agreement is that he has to be
fully ready for school before he turns on the computer.
It is spelled out in the agreement that he needs to get
dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth and make his
lunch. After just a few weeks of following through with
the consequences, he learned to get everything finished before
turning on the games.
The most important factor for
the agreement to work is consistent follow through. Make
sure that you stay involved with the kids, both in the
agreement-making phase and while they are playing. Make
sure that they adhere to the schedule. Follow through
with the consequences with a kind and firm attitude.
"It's a bummer that the PlayStation is off for the
rest of the day". Don't give in to their pleading
or promises.
The giving in is what
undermines our authority. The children come to believe
that if they make promises to behave better, then we
will give in. They typically forget in a rather short
period of time and we become exhausted and angry that
they are not keeping their end of the bargain. However,
if we have agreed that the TV will go off if the
agreement is not kept, and then we give in to a
"bargain" we are showing our children that
bargains do not necessarily have to be kept. This is why
the battle goes on and on.
During the training period of
implementing a new agreement (usually 2-4 weeks) it is
very important to maintain complete consistency and
follow-through. Being flexible should not be an option
during the training phase of the agreement. Flexibility
is crucial in parenting, and there is a time and place
for it. The time for flexibility is not while helping
children learn a new routine. Once a new routine is
established, then you can become more flexible if
you think that is appropriate. My experience has led me
to believe that too much flexibility with routines leads
to misbehaving kids. It's better to maintain consistency
with agreements and be flexible with issues that come up
"in the moment". That is just my experience.
With some work and effort
initially, making agreements with the kids and creating
a plan for follow-through, you can avoid so many of the
headaches you face on a daily basis, fighting over the
excessive TV watching or fights over the TV. Start
today, making a family routine that brings order and
sanity to your home!
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