Lyn Gregory is a Life Coach for Teens and Parents of Teens. Would you like a closer relationship with your teen? Are you curious to know what makes them tick? Would you like to know how to strengthen the bonds between you and your teen and have them as a friend rather than a foe? UK based Life Coach for Parents of Teens offers a complimentary, no obligation telephone session......it could be the light at the end of the tunnel!! Contact firstname.lastname@example.org
Welcome to my column, which, following a few months absence for me, marks my first column of 2004 for you.
I have been thoroughly enjoying my work as a Professional Coach, especially working with Teens and their parents. Just before Christmas I was enormously humbled to receive a testimonial from a client I had just finished working with who said that ‘no amount of money could have equated to the benefit I have gained through working with you’. Boy, that was some pat on the back….I couldn’t help wondering if I should have doubled or tripled my fees (only joking!!). Seriously it makes my job so worthwhile and rewarding when you get feedback like that.
My client, we shall call her Jane to protect her anonymity, approached me towards the end of last year, desperate for help surrounding the difficult relationship she had with her teenage son who we shall call Tim. During an initial phone consultation I explained what I could do to help, Jane listened but at the end of the phone call said ‘Lyn, I am going to bite your hand off….I so need your help, will you work with me?’
Over the next few weeks work together we did and I saw the relationship between Jane and Tim transformed almost before my very eyes. He changed from one very troubled young man whose only way of making himself heard was to answer his Mum back, ignore every guidline and curfew set for him and pay little or no attention to his schoolwork. If you will allow me I would like to share with you the very first tool that I taught Jane that she was able to use with Tim. It is the same tool that I use with many of my clients and when you read what I have to say you may be forgiven for doubting that something so simple can have such a powerful effect, but believe me it does. I have seen lives transformed and turned around, relationships that were broken restored and on the road to recovery. I read recently that most parents would paddle a slow boat to China if they knew that help needed for their teenager lay on the other side. That indeed is true, but hey!....no paddling needed, just a few minutes of your time to read what I have to say and then put it into practice with your teenager and just wait for the results to show up.
The key to success lies in one small word ‘respect’. I wonder what your definition of that word is? You know how you feel if someone shows you no sign of respect, for example if you are shown no respect by your boss at work or maybe if someone pushes in front of you in a line. How do you feel? How does it make you feel about that person? A group of teenagers were asked about what they most need from the adults in their lives and the answer came back loud and clear….’we want to feel respected’. So here is the first step and it is my challenge to each and every one of you. I don’t know where you are in your relationship with your teenager. Best case scenario, you may have a teen who is pretty much the model teenager but one who has their ‘moments’…..or your relationship with your teen may resemble something more like World War Three (on a good day!)….or you may fall somewhere in between. However things are for you and your teen, this respect concept will work, I promise, and improve what you have already. It has to be worth giving it a go, doesn’t it? Look for moments as often as possible to use the actual word ‘respect’ in your conversation with your teen. No trying to wriggle out of it and use another word you feel more comfortable with like admire or like…..respect it is or nothing! You may not notice a difference at first but given time you will start to notice a change in attitude from your teen, he or she will walk a little taller and the whole thing will have a snowball effect spilling into other areas of your life together. Another client I used this with came back to me after just ONE week and said ‘I cannot believe it, the whole house is just calmer, this respect thing really works!’
So there is my challenge to you, give it a go and see what happens and maybe I can make one request….if you are willing would you e-mail me and share any feedback with me? I’d love to know what success or otherwise you achieve.
Well it’s been great to be back, hardly feels like I’ve been away, I look forward to hearing from you via e-mail and also to catching up with you again in next months column!
Professional coach for Parents and Teens
LYN GREGORY is a Life Coach for Teens and Parents of Teens. Would you like a closer relationship with your teen? Are you curious to know what makes them tick? Would you like to know how to strengthen the bonds between you and your teen and have them as a friend rather than a foe? UK based Life Coach for Parents of Teens offers a complimentary, no obligation telephone session......it could be the light at the end of the tunnel!! Contact email@example.com