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Since the
horrific incident at Columbine High
School, parents have increasingly been
encouraged to get involved in the school
safety efforts being put forth by their
children's schools. In working with many
parents over the past two years, the
Center for the Prevention of School
Violence, a division of North Carolina's
new Department of Juvenile Justice and
Delinquency Prevention, has learned that
parents often do not know how to begin
their involvement and often say they do
not have the time to get involved. What
the Center suggests is that the simplest
and maybe best form of involvement that
parents can pursue is gaining knowledge
about what their children's schools are
doing in the arena of school safety and
talking with their children about school
safety.
Knowledge parents
should gain about their children's school
includes:
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knowing their
children's school. This means being
informed about what the school is
doing to establish and maintain a safe
learning environment. This knowledge
is important so parents can answer
their children's questions and
concerns with facts rather than myth.
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knowing their
children. This means that they should
know what their children's typical
behavior patterns are so that they
will recognize when behaviors change.
This allows for identification of
warning signs.
-
knowing
warning signs. These are the signals
of potential problems.
-
knowing how
to intervene when warning signs
present themselves. Parents should
have an understanding of how schools
and community resources can be
accessed should problems arise.
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knowing how
to connect with their children. Every
parent-child relationship is unique.
Parents must take the lead in
developing a relationship that works
for both and allows each to gain
understanding and insight. With
specific reference to the safe schools
issue, parents need to understand how
each of their children is thinking
about the issue and address each with
appropriate levels of concern and
understanding. Especially on this
issue, children will take cues from
their parents. Parents need to
remember this and act accordingly.
Five points
parents should say to their children about
school safety include:
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explaining to
their children what the facts are
about school safety. Explaining to
their children the steps their schools
are taking to promote safety is
important if their children ask
questions.
-
explaining
the odds. The chances of being killed
in schools are less than one in a
million according to the US Department
of Education. It is important to
explain to children that schools are
typically safe environments.
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explaining
that everyone has a responsibility for
making schools safe -- even children.
Everyone should take responsibility.
If a child sees inappropriate behavior
or hears about the possibility that
such behavior might happen (e.g.,
hears that someone is going to bring a
gun to school), the child has a
responsibility to tell an adult at
school or the parent him/herself.
-
explaining
that violence is not an acceptable
solution to problems the children may
be experiencing. Parents need to
explicitly address this because of the
many messages that children are
exposed to from various components of
society which communicate that
violence may be an appropriate
response. It is important that parents
articulate that violence is wrong.
-
explaining
that they are ready to listen. Parents
should ask questions about how their
children are feeling about the safety
of their schools, and they should ask
their children about more than
feelings but also about behaviors
(e.g., are there places at school they
avoid because they don't feel safe?).
When asking the questions, it is then
important that parents actively listen
to the answers. If concerns are
raised, parents need to follow up with
the schools about them and keep their
children informed about what is being
done.
The Center for
the Prevention of School Violence notes a
measured approach which communicates
appropriate levels of concern with
knowledge is important. Parents need to
communicate concerns without unduly
raising levels of fear. A parent's desire
to discuss this issue may not be mirrored
by the child; parents therefore need to
proceed cautiously with these
conversations. They need to be informed
and ready to discuss the issue but not so
eager as to raise fears.
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